she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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