im drinking this country out of the recession.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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