If i come over, it means nothing
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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