My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
