Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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