u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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