What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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