i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
