I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
