Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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