Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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