Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
