Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK