I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
