"it" just moved
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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