very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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