Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
