I think about you every night.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
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I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
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You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.