I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
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Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know