You can't special order awesome
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.