I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
