make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
