She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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