Umm I'm too high to move.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
