i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
