Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
