you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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