I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
