are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
