Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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