I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
