he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
