the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize