my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
