when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
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It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
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And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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