How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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