Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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