You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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