it hurts more in the daytime
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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