imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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