i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Everclear isn't food dammit
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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