erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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