i think my mom watched the whole time
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
