You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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