the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
