i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
