All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
