Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Michael Bay diarrhea
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
