Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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