Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
