No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
