if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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