Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
