Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
