Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
