From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
