my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
