My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she looked like the before picture.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
