Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
