Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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