remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
