Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
