so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dick very happy bro
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
