A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
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Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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