Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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