I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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