I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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