she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
