if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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