she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
