i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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