i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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