normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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