i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My ass is underappreciated
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
