it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
