i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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