If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
