Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
