you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
