I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Who died my cat blue again?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
